Life update (5 months since leaving IG)

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

I’ve been hiking a lot. Alone. Which, could be scary if you were to analyze all the things that could go wrong. Getting bit by a rattlesnake... running into a badger on the trail... encountering a mountain lion... I could keep going. But it hasn’t been scary, it’s been healing. I’ve always loved being in the mountains... I used to hike consistently before I got married, stopped for six years, and now I’m finding myself in the mountains more than ever.

Anyway, this last hike I was walking along the trail with my parent’s dog and started thinking about how great it felt to be up there. To hear the stream... feel the breeze... smell that mountain air... touch the tree branches along the trail that were smooth from the touch of other’s hands before me. No one to keep conversation with besides myself. No one in a rush to go anywhere (my kids were with my ex husband). I found myself just stopping in the middle of the trail and looking out over the valley and thinking. Just thinking. 

Hiking up Malan's Peak in Ogden Utah... such a fun hike but STEEP and hard. 
I like alone time. I’ve spent so much of my life thinking I should try to be someone I’m not and surround myself with people constantly even though I don't necessarily need that. I’m a natural introvert... I need alone time to recharge. When you have so many thoughts always keeping you company who needs someone to talk to?! Ya know?! Ya know??

That’s a joke. Mostly. Anyway, a good chunk of my life I’ve been guilty of thinking the more people in my social circle, the better. More, more, more. I feel it's almost a societal pressure to have a raging social life. I've felt obligated to go to parties and "blogging" events even though it made me all kinds of uncomfortable. I did it thinking that those people were my "friends" but just like Hugh Jackman sings on the Greatest Showman, "A man learns who is there for him, when the glitter fades and the walls won't hold". Those connections that I thought were so valuable were so much more shallow then I thought... even while publicly going through the most raw time in my life I heard from nearly NONE of those connections. I don't know how that surprises me... but I think when you are a empathetic soul yourself you expect others to be the same. But they aren't. Not in the insta world anyway. Call me bitter but I think most of those connections are really just for selfish reasons. As in... a lot of these bloggers want friendships that they see can bring them value in one way or another. #morefollowers #morepopular #morebloggingeventinvites. Not all of these bloggers are like this, I do have some SOLID blogging friends (top of my head... @emfillerup, @nataliedarling, @trishabell)... but ironically these friends aren't the type that show up at these blogging events anyway. They know what's up. 

Honestly, I'm not bitter about it. I'm grateful that experiences like this show the true colors of your social circle. I once described it as being in the garden and being able to pluck out the weeds from the flowers. Don't let weeds grow in your garden girl. That's YOU'RE place, you have complete control over. The only people... ahem, I mean PLANTS... that belong in your garden are ones that YOU want there.

And I'm not talking about friendships that I formed on instagram with my "followers"... that sounds so Hitler-ish now. I'm talking about people that actually had other means of getting in contact with me (see: cell number) but chose not to because I no longer brought value to them. But like I said, it's a blessing in disguise. Hurt at first, but a blessing.

Anyway, back to the introvert talk. I think something about me makes people think I’m an extrovert. My height? I don't know. I’m baffled as to that tends to be an assumption... but I've found that when I let my naturally introverted and partially shy self show, people tend to interpret it as me being “stuck up”. Over the years hearing this has made me try to change that by trying to make myself extroverted, no one wants to give off that vibe! But now I’m realizing...

it’s okay.

I don’t need to make myself someone I’m not just to appeal more to what is culturally expected of me. I’m an introvert, dang it! Take me as I am! Lol. I’m finding the more time I make for my moments of solitude the more healing it has been for my soul. The last year has been a doozy... between going through a messy divorce, moving, and trying to find my footing again... sometimes all you need to find yourself again is simply quality time with yourself.

The majority of my socializing is with my cousin above. Haha! This was up at Snowbird on one of their outdoor concerts. It's gorgeous and just the air up there smells AMAZING. You HAVE to make it up there sometime this summer.

Next matter of business, I don’t even miss Instagram now. Like not one bit. I was so deep into it... the fact that I’ve gone this long without it and don’t miss it at all is CRAZY. Leaving has been priceless for my peace of mind. I feel like it has given me that additional emotional capacity and energy to focus on living my best life for me and my children. It’s been great. 

Next topic... On the sickness front we had a ROUGH last month. Both my kids got hand foot and mouth... and then I GOT IT. Yes, I, as an adult. Got it. My fever got up to 103.6 and my tonsils looked so awful. I was so miserable. I didn’t get any sores on my hands or feet (my kids didn’t either) but my tonsils were on another level. They looked like one giant white sore. Ewwww. I know. I alternated between Tylenol and ibuprofen to try and keep my fever in check (but even with both of those I could only get it down to like 101 degrees). We also had a prescription for the “miracle mouth wash” (which is lidocaine, liquid Benadryl and liquid heartburn medication) so that helped numb things out enough to actually get some liquid down me. I can only imagine how the kids felt... poor things! Since getting it I've been talking to SO many people whose kids have gotten it, and even them themselves. It's brutal. Definitely made it into the top three sickest moments of my life. 

I’m going to give you a rundown of how it looked so you can be on the lookout for your kid. First they will complain of a tummy ache and maybe even dry heave, then they will get a super high fever, you’ll likely think it’s the stomach flu until you look in their mouth and see sores all over the place. Jake was complaining about how he kept having to swallow his spit and Chloe was literally drooling down her face and in tears from the pain. We also noticed that even though she didn’t have sores on her feet she was walking around on the balls of her feet for a couple days, so they must have hurt. It’s a virus so they can’t prescribe anything to cure it (no antibiotics for this one), it just has to run its course. You just want to make sure that their fever isn’t getting too high (because it can cause brain damage) and that they are getting enough fluids. There was a day where I was sure we were going to have to take Chloe into the ER because she wasn’t drinking enough and was hardly was having ANY wet diapers. Luckily I got her to drink some bottles of milk and that saved the day. I would give it to her when she was like half asleep so she didn’t realize just how much it hurt to swallow. It’s crazy because her and Jake came down with it at the exact same time but their mouths looked way different.... maybe it’s because Jake is older so it didn’t affect him the same way? Anyway, it’s terrible. You don’t want to get it. But you’re probably going to because it’s EVERYWHERE right now. Seriously. Just plan on getting it. lol

Besides being sick for a good two weeks we’ve still been going to the pool nearly every day. It’s been great... such a nice way for the kids to run off energy and all of us to soak up some nice vitamin D! I get anxiety about the summer ending because cold dark winters wreak havoc on my overall well being so I try and take advantage of the warmth as much as I can. We usually just go me and the kids... and I'm usually the only mom in the pool and DEFINITELY the only mom getting her hair wet. Sometimes I'm a little self conscious about it... like other moms are looking at me thinking I'm some heathen for getting into the pool (that's probably 30% straight urine) and heaven forbid GETTING MY HAIR WET. Yolo! That's why ya chop it off ladies! Bob's are great for swimming. Lol!

We had a great Fourth of July. It was supposed to be my ex's holiday but he asked if I could take them instead and I happily obliged, of course I'm going to want to be with them! We grilled at my cousins house and then went and watched the Layton City fireworks. Which were AMAZING, BTW. And huge. And right over our heads. Magical. The only thing that wasn't magical was the two hours it took to get out of the parking lot afterwards. And getting flipped off from a mom in a minivan. Rookie mistake. Now we know where to park for an easy escape. Not being flipped off though?? To be determined. 

This picture was from the fourth of July. I jokingly posted this on my facebook saying, "Happy independence from those darn Brits. I have a whole new appreciation for this day if you know what I mean!" Heyo. Just call me Amurica. JK. Don't do that. 

My life has been relatively drama free... which has been AMAZING. Until someone sees my joke above probably. Lol! But on a serious note I’ve learned so much about toxic relationships and how to place appropriate boundaries. The knowledge I’ve gained recently has put so much into perspective. Every now and then there will be a day that has a BLOW UP of drama... but it’s happening less and less. 

Speaking about learning about things... guys. I'm still obsessed with zodiac signs. OBSESSED. No one can try and convince me otherwise because it explains my whole life perfectly. I may even believe in it more than any other religion. JK, I think. But seriously, different trials with relationships or friendships have been explained by zodiac personality characteristics so perfectly. I'll write a post on it later. 

I just got back from a trip to Florida with my cousin... and I have a ton of pictures to share from it so I'm going to wait for another post to tell you ALL about it. I might have even met up with a tinder date while I was there. And I might have even watched the sunset on the beach with him. And I might have even got a picture. And I MIGHT even upload it. Who knowwwws. 

Also, I started watching The Handmaid's Tale thinking there was NO WAY it could be as good as everyone is saying. Well... it is. It's real good guys. REAL GOOD. I mean... the concept behind it is appalling and there is some nudity. BUT SO GOOD. And for the most part it's just a little bit of nudity and no swearing. Does that make it any better? No, it doesn't. But I was a nurse on the mother/baby floor for two years so an occasional nip slip doesn't offend me. Used to it. Hahaha!!

Anyway, I binge watched season 1... and I'm literally ending this post now to go start the second season. Later gator!! 

Later gator... I never say that. I've obviously been in Florida.

Thanks for reading guys.


Gossip Girl

I mean, Britney. XOXO Britney.

1 comment :

  1. Your Fourth of July joke�� a-freaking-men sister. My mom was in a toxic relationship for about 17 years. When she was finally free from that, July 7th become her Independence Day. She now has remarried and is in a healthy relationship, but we still look to that day of her being free for the first time. Cheers to you for freeing yourself from a toxic relationship!


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