I Find it Hard

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

To be honest, I find it hard.

I find it hard to find the right words when someone tells me "I'm sorry". Replying "It's ok" when I don't feel it.

I find it hard when no one knows what to say so they say nothing at all. As if ignoring it makes it as though it never happened.

I find it hard when my niece asks me why my baby went to heaven early. Her innocent eyes pleading for an answer.

I find it hard seeing pregnant bellies. Thinking what could have been.

I find it hard when I'm alone. My thoughts crowding my mind.
I find it hard, I do.

I don't think I'm as strong as everyone seems to think I am.
I don't have a choice. This is what happened. My only choice is how I react to it.

So don't be fooled, I find it hard.

But everything that happens has a reason. And each hard time makes me a little bit tougher, a little more of a fighter. Like a broken bone... healing stronger each time.
I find it hard, but I find it harder to look back negatively. So each morning I hold my chin high, put on my lipstick, and flash a smile.

Because today is a new day and I'm not taking that for granted. So I walk outside, feel the sun warm my face, and thank the heavens for all that I have. Because though I can't change the direction of the wind, I CAN adjust my sails.

4 comments :

  1. I just lost my baby in November, and can totally relate. Hardest thing I've ever been through. Xoxoxo.

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  2. Unfortunately nobody ever says the "right thing". I've been through a loss...and I was the same way. I hated when people said "I'm sorry"....but I hated when people ignored it like nothing happened...but I also hated when they didn't ignore it and wanted to talk about it....and I was like "just leave me alone!" You are grieving...and you're allowed to be annoyed or find it hard to do a lot of things. Luckily - your outlook is a positive one. If you get out of bed and take a shower, that's a victory for me. Keep up your positivity. Thinking of you, my dear!
    www.jaxandmarbles.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. So sorry for your loss.

    Jen@jpabstfitness

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  4. I hope with article can bring you some encouragement as it did for me: http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/suffering-end-tract/will-suffering-ever-end/

    ReplyDelete

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