Life Update (2 months since leaving IG)

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Hello. It's me. I've been wondering if after all this time you'd like to meet. To go over. Everything. Hahaha just kidding guys I'm not going to write this whole post in Adele lyrics but I couldn't not start with it.

K, hi. Life post Instagram is AMAZING. Literally better than ever, and I'm not just saying that. It has been SO good for me to be off of there and focusing on other things in my life. I truly believe that leaving Instagram has opened up the gates to allow other great things into my life. Let me break it down for you.

1. Instead of socializing on Instagram I now am socializing more with my friends and family. Which is what I needed all along. I didn't need thousands of smaller connections, I needed a fewer BIGGER connections to get me through this time. I needed a fewer DEEPER connections to get me through this time. Leaving Instagram has given me that additional capacity to really strengthen those relationships that I needed to and be a better friend to those connections I already had.

2. I've met some great people. Now that I'm no longer focusing on connecting through Instagram I think it's broadened my horizons to connect with new people outside of that Instagram realm that I had previously been putting so much focus into. I've met some amazing guys and amazing friends! Just last night I went out on a double date with a guy I've been hanging out with, his friend, and my cousin and I was in tears laughing so hard. TEARS. We went to a movie and then played Cards Against Humanity (Which, I'm surprisingly good at. Apparently having a dirty mind pays off at this game. Aren't you proud of me mom! Hahaha.) I don't remember the last time I was in tears laughing.

Ok wait, I just remembered. I was actually in teats laughing just the night before when I was telling my mom about my little boy's kindergarten round up when they were testing his vision. They were pointing to the shapes and asking him what they were (square, house, circle). There was a line of 10 parents behind us watching and waiting their turn. So they start testing my little boy and anytime they pointed to the circle my little boy would call it an "ovaline". AN OVALINE. An ovaline?!? What the hell is an ovaline?! How does my little boy know all of his letters and sounds but not the name of a circle?!? And why am I just realizing this now when 10 parents are behind us and intently watching? So yeah, I was crying laughing telling my mom this story. Update, my little boy can now distinguish between a circle and an ovaline. Which, for the record, is just a name he made up. Hahaha. You have to laugh so you don't cry... or if you're going to cry make sure it's because you're laughing so hard haha!

3. I live life based on what makes ME happy. I thought I was pretty good at doing this anyway, but after fully leaving Instagram it helps you realize that no matter how hard you try to just be yourself you are still trying to  please others in one way or another. I liked to tell myself that in the world of Insta bloggers I was pretty down to earth... my feed wasn't necessarily cohesive, esthetically pleasing, or picture perfect... but I did still spent a lot of my time and emotional capacity trying to please other people. Not trying to please others by MY image on there necessarily, but by trying to connect with others in one way or another. I liked to tell myself I was on there to share my vulnerabilities and offer encouragement to give other women the strength they might need. My Meyer-Brigg's personality type is the "healer" (INFJ) so I do tend to center my life around trying to help other people in one way or another and I find it hard to be selfish and focus on myself... but at this raw stage in my life I did need to only focus on myself. I needed to secure my oxygen mask before securing anyone else's... and leaving Instagram has helped focus that emotional capacity into my own self healing before anyone else's.

This week I had a date with an awesome guy and we went up to the SLC capitol to sit on the grass and enjoy the trees that were in bloom. Sitting there I realized that while we were there enjoying it just to enjoy the moment, the warmth, the beauty, and have good conversation... most of the people were there to get pictures with the trees in bloom. Wrestling their toddlers who just wanted to be running around, forcing smiles, and trying to get that perfect shot without anyone else in the background. Sure, I get it. It's nice to get those family pictures and it is a beautiful scene, but sometimes I feel like we need to take a step back and enjoy the moment for ourselves instead of what perfect of a picture it's going to be. Ya know? No judgement from me, I love a pretty picture as much as the next person, but if that's all we are focusing on we need to do some reevaluating of our life.

Anyway, I'm now focusing on what makes me happy instead of directing any attention into what would make my 13k followers happy (which, for the record is now 12.4k since I've announced my departure lol). I focus on what makes me feel good. What makes my life feel worthwhile. What I want. Which is such a simple concept, but really life changing if you're used to consistently directing energy to please others. I'm rebuilding my life and cementing that foundation with people and opportunities that bring me happiness, and no one else. I'm no longer thinking about "likes" on my post, but my own likes in my own life. Which is what we all should be doing.

4. It's nice to fly under the radar. I always say to live your life like you're in a fish bowl, and I do. I'm the same person with my best friend as I am to someone on the streets. I have no secrets that I would care if they got out. I make every decision like every single person I know is watching, maybe that's a virgo thing? I mean, we are the sign of pure intentions. I'm not a perfect person by any means, but I'm also not a secretive person.

However, in such a vulnerable time in my life where people could criticize every single decision I make, it's nice to fly under the radar. It's nice not to have those soured relationships watching ever single thing I do. It's nice not to have people picking apart posts and words to try and figure things out. I've learned that people are so bored in their own lives they love talking about the misfortune of others. And good heck they love talking about divorces. "So what do you think happened?! She posted this and he posted this. I saw them at blah blah blah the other night". I feel like for the most part all of my connections on Instagram were incredibly loyal and positive connections, but I can't weed out every dandelion among the flowers. It's been nice to take that step back and not really add anything to that narrative.

5. I'm indifferent. I care. I care a lot. I'm super loyal and when I invest into someone I invest into them for a lifetime. Divorce is HARD. It's hard to lose the person you've spent the last six years with, it's hard to lose those connections that you centered your life around. It's even harder when you're seeing their every move on Instagram. I don't know why people feel like they have to take sides in a divorce. Unless you were a fly on a wall you can never possibly know what someones marriage was like, you don't have to take sides and you can still be there for both people. In fact, any decent divorcee wouldn't want you to take sides. I actually encourage our "best friend" couple to still stay in contact with my ex, I don't want them to cut him off. What kind of person would that make me? Just because our personal relationship couldn't work out doesn't mean that I need them to hate him for me. I wish more people would be like that but it's not the case. At first having people side against me was really hard, because I care. And I care about them. And they actually had no idea what that broken marriage was like because I never felt the need to tear down my ex to gain support for my side of the story. It was agonizing to be going through the most painful time in my life with not only the loss of my spouse but also the loss of nearly my whole "support system" for the past 6 years. I now realize that that support system I thought I had wasn't the same as what I thought, and I'm grateful to find that out now rather than 20 more years down the road. But it hurt at first. It hurt like hell! Those were my people, the people I loved. It was agonizing. I had to stop following them but then I was still getting screenshots of things they did or questions about them... it was so hard to heal from that heartache when I was seeing them all the time through social media. Now that I'm off, I've finally been able to heal from that. I'm more independent than ever and have strengthened my new support system. I'm indifferent to those people and the things they now do, which I'm grateful for. It's a blessing to not feel the heartache of that and be reminded of it through social media. I'm creating my own life now and it feels better than ever.

Anyway, life is good guys! Real good. If you're struggling in one aspect or another I'd really suggest taking a step back from social media. It's a hard adjustment the first week but then you don't even miss it! It's amazing. I miss being connected to you guys so easily through there but I'm glad we still can stay connected through my blog because I feel like it's a healthier option for me. I love to hear from you guys so make sure you comment (comment with your IG name because that's what I recognize first!). Thanks for reading and thanks so much for your continual love and support!

Love ya guys!

Britney Munday

Back in the Dating World

Thursday, April 5, 2018

I’m dating again.

That feels weird to write, though I do feel like it should feel MORE weird to write. Our divorce went through end of November (we separated beginning of September) and this past month I’ve started dating. 

I really didn’t want to date at first. I asked one of my friends if she thought I should start dating yet and she said, “Well I can’t make that decision for you but I do think it would be nice to get out there!” Ugh, fine. I’ll do it.

So I did. My first post divorce date I was SO NERVOUS before hand. I HATE DATING. But then he actually ended up being super awesome. We went to a cute little restaurant on 25th street in Ogden and hung out at his place afterwards. He’s nice, handsome, and a gentleman. He grew up around here and even though we hadn’t met before we had mutual friends. We’ve gone on a few dates now.

Just yesterday I had a date with another guy I hadn’t met before but we had mutual friends as well. We went out to eat at a Thai restaurant in SLC called Swadee Thai and it was amazing. He's handsome and I feel like we totally hit it off... I was kind of shocked because I wasn't expecting it. Effortless conversation is so important to me and it was seamless! After dinner we went over to liberty park and sat on the hill overlooking the pond and just chatted while the sun began to set. It was actually a perfect scene even though neither of us planned it out in advance. 

Anyway, I won’t be taking about the details of my dating life to preserve the privacy of the guys I’m dating and to let things progress at their own pace... but I just wanted to stop in and say everything dating wise has gone real good so far! Like REAL good. 

I was really worried after I heard a bunch of tinder dating horror stories... but so far it’s been good to me! I’ve been asked on my fair share of dates through tinder or bumble but I do extensive internet stalking (🤣) before I commit to going. I also like to text before hand to make sure we even have anything in common! I don’t want to waste anyone’s time or money if I know we aren’t going to have anything in common. 

I was nervous that as a single mom that would scare guys off from wanting to get to know me but that definitely hasn’t been the case, it’s also helped me realize that there ARE good guys out there. Which is shocking to me, I thought they were all married off lol. 

I mean, just Wednesday morning I was telling my friend how I want to be single for the rest of my life... but I’m not going to completely close myself off to the idea of love if there ARE good guys out there.  

It’s been really good for me to continue staying off Instagram. Cleansing, even. I also feel like closing that door has ended up opening up other doors and inviting other people into my life that I needed in my life. 

I’m not looking for anyone to complete me, I’m complete on my own. I’m more independent than ever and it feels amazing. However, I’d love to spend time with someone I enjoy being with and who encourages and inspires me to be my best self and vice verse. So even though I’m not desperately searching for a significant other, I’m not going to permanently close the door to potentially finding “love” again one day. Just keeping my options open, and if nothing else enjoying the company and conversation dating brings. I'm not exactly searching for "good looks" or anything like that, I think there is so much more to people then simply their looks. I'm searching for something more profound where we connect on a much deeper level than that.

And even if I never find "love" again, I’m really savoring this time to work on loving myself and being my best “self” possible. Once you live six years of your life making every decision to keep someone else happy it's so refreshing to just soak in the single life and work on YOURSELF. Which is exactly what I'm doing.


SeaQuest Aquarium in Layton Utah

Saturday, March 24, 2018

We finally made it to the SeaQuest aquarium in Layton Utah this week! I ended up just getting the season pass because it was on sale for spring break and everyone else I went with had the pass so I figured we'd be coming back. The pass for spring break was $100 and it was going to be like $25 for us to go one time anyway. I'm always looking for things to do with the kids so I know I'll be back, I hate sitting at home all day and they do too! We like to be on the go in one way or another. 

It actually wasn't too bad for a little aquarium. They have a lot of exhibits where you can touch the animals (and HELLO I'm an animal lover who is hoping to force that on her children so... ya know... I like it). Haha! My favorite area was the stingray exhibit, they are so cute! If you buy tokens at the front there is a little dispenser that gives you food for the stingrays and they will eat it right out of your hand.

I got some video footage for our own memories but figured I'd share it here as well if you wanted to check out the aquarium before you go. Here it is!

Thanks for reading!

Jake's 5th Birthday Party

This is going to sound so stereotypical mom of me but... How the heck do I have a 5 year old?! Like what?! I remember being 5! I know quite a few of you have followed along with me since Jake was born and I was losing that postpartum weight... so that makes our friendship 5 years old too! That's nuts!

Since we are divorced and now living an hour away Sam threw a party for Jake down there with his family and I threw a party up here for Jake with my family. If we didn't live an hour apart we'd consider doing a combined party despite our divorce but we can't expect all our friends and family to make that drive. But Jake thought it was pretty awesome to have two birthday parties two nights in a row!

Jake loves doughnuts (NOT with sprinkles FYI) so when I picked him up on his birthday I came equipped with doughnuts and balloons. This past year has been a hard adjustment for all of us so I wanted to make his birthday as special as possible. I told him we could do whatever we wanted before his birthday party so he decided he wanted to go to Kangaroo Zoo in Ogden with me and Chloe and jump around for a couple hours. Chloe has turned into such a big girl and can keep up with Jake no problem!

After that we had his birthday party at Get Air trampoline park in Kaysville Utah. We chose to book a party with them and I was super impressed with how organized they were. They were a pretty decent price considering we got 2 hours of jump time for us and our guests, they provided all the plates, cups, and silverware, handled ordering the pizza and drinks, and did all the clean up and set up. HELLO. 100% worth it! I'm all about delegating tasks when it comes to birthday parties, it's not worth that extra stress! 

I'm trying to be better about documenting our memories in "family home videos". Which basically just means I'm recording more on my phone and then storing them on youtube. Haha! Modern mom right?

Anyway, here is some of what I got from his birthday party! I've had a few of you say you miss seeing the kids since I'm not posting on instagram so I thought I would share it here! Thanks for reading!

Monthly Life Update

Thursday, March 15, 2018

I'm engaged!!! Just kidding. Hahaha. Clickbait. I haven't even gone on one date since my divorce went though end of November, and honestly I'm not exactly itching to either. I'm spending a lot of time rebuilding myself and I'm loving having the time to focus on that. It's been one month since I stopped posting on Instagram. Considering I used to post every single thought I ever had onto my Instastory it seems like we should have a lot to catch up on... so lets get started!

I've used a lot of my new found free time to read a lot of self help books. Since February 1'st I've read 6 books and I'm currently on my 7th... if you're wondering what I do in all my "instagram free" time it's this! Reading! Once I put the kids to bed I kick my feet up, sit in my parents massage chair, and read about how to unf*ck my life. No really, that's the title of one of the books I've loved the most. "Unf*ck yourself" by Gary John Bishop is probably my favorite self help book this far. I was kind of scared to read it based of the title but no, it doesn't drop countless F words every page. If anything the title is an indication of how the book is written, blunt and honest. Which is right up my alley! Blunt and honest is my love language, if that were a love language. If you're on the search for a good self help book you need this one, it puts everything into perspective. Just maybe hide it in a drawer for when your grandparents come visit, or don't. I won't tell you how to live your life. But this author will and he's going to do it WELL. Dang it!

My second favorite book is called "Choosing Me Before We" by Christine Arylo. I think any woman who has been in a turbulent relationship needs to read this book, it's a necessity! It's great for women who are TOO selfless and give TOO much of themselves in an attempt to keep their relationships afloat. I felt like I've lost a lot of myself trying to keep my marriage together... I'm not going to list them off because it's unnecessary and will just fuel drama but I changed myself so much to try and make it work. Now I'm back in my hometown after moving away for 6 years, back with my family and friends, getting back to my career, back to my hobbies... it feels good. This book helped me realize to be in a relationship you first have to be true to yourself, we have no business getting in a relationship with anyone else if we don't know who WE ARE and what WE WANT from life. If you're in a healthy relationship this isn't for you, if you aren't in a healthy relationship this IS for you. It's also a great read for single women trying to figure out what it is they want in life. Read it and tell me what you think!

My third favorite book would probably be "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I hesitated reading this book and more so even talking about this book because I didn't consider myself codependent. In fact I'm EXTREMELY independent, so I didn't think codependency would necessarily apply to me. However, I chose to read it because I feel like in marriage through the years we end up being codependent on our spouse in one way or another. K, so immediately upon reading it I realized I had the definition of codependency all wrong. I thought it meant that you literally depend on another person to exist, that isn't what it is, at least that's not how she defines it in her book! The author defines codependency more so as when you let yourself feel affected too much by others poor decisions or behaviors. I consider myself an empath to one degree or another, meaning a lot of times I FEEL the emotions others are feeling. It can be good because it inspires me to take action to help, but it's not always good. You can't help people unless they ask you specifically for said help, otherwise you're attempting to control someone else. Harsh, but true. This book helped me realize I need to keep a healthy distance from other people's problems and in doing so make more of an effort to protect my own inner peace.

Ok, enough of the books. Remember how I kept complaining talking about how my shins were hurting? I tried everything to try and fix them and nothing was helping so I finally went in to a sports medicine doctor. At this point I was thinking it could have been something called chronic exertional compartment syndrome because I was having a lot of the same symptoms (thanks google for that diagnosis, you never lead me astray when it comes to my health. Wait, most of the time you do actually lead me astray). After hearing my symptoms the sports medicine doctor decided that we should do an MRI just to MAKE SURE there weren't any stress fractures.

I really didn't think they were going to see anything... I was sure it was the muscle that was bugging me. Plus we did an x-ray when they were hurting a year ago and they didn't see anything. Well, turns out they almost NEVER see stress fractures on an x-ray unless they are advanced stress fractures. They almost always need to do an MRI to be able to rule out stress fractures, X-rays just don't cut it. Sure enough, the MRI came back and showed some little stress fractures on the back of my tibia. *sigh* So no running for me in the races I've signed up for this spring! Overall though I'm grateful to know what the cause of the pain is and work towards recovery.

Since this pain started last year when I was running while still breastfeeding Chloe, they think that could have been a contributing factor. In pregnancy and nursing, if the mother isn't getting enough calcium in her diet the body will then begin taking calcium from her bones in order to get it to the developing baby. They think that since my bones had likely been weakened from pregnancy and nursing, the initial stress on my bones happened last year when I was running, and then they just never healed properly.

So the plan now is to stick to cycling/biking for a month, then work my way to the elliptical, and then slowly begin to incorporate running again. No jumping for me, but I can still do all my weighted leg exercises. I went to a spin class yesterday and my... uh... "lady parts" feel like they just gave birth. WHY ARE BIKE SEATS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Someone tell me that it gets better with time, please. Do they give epidurals for spin classes? KIDDING. I'M KIDDING. Kind of.

Anyway, for my bones to heal I also have to be better about getting enough calcium in my diet, and if I'm not then I have to take 1,500 mg of calcium along with 2,000 iu of vitamin D.

Next matter of business... I've applied to two nursing jobs so far with no luck. I think employers aren't liking that I've stayed home to raise my kid's the past four years, which is so lame! I feel like this is fairly normal for nurses... take a few years off while their kids are young and then enter the workforce again.  So I'm just going to keep on applying! I'm sure something will land one of these days... and if I don't end up getting one until this fall that won't be the worst thing ever because Jake will be entering kindergarten by that time.

I have so much I could say on these posts, I just have to figure out the politically correct way to word them. I've had a lot of people turn to me on advice of what to do when their marriage is falling apart and I'd love to be able to write more about that while still respecting the privacy of other's who are involved in my story. I think for now, I'd just like to say, to those women who feel like your life is falling apart... just keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. At some points you may be trying to survive day to day, sometimes even just minute to minute. But trust me, you WILL SURVIVE. And this will pass. And you WILL find your new normal. Even if everything you've ever known for the past however many years is ripped away from you, you will start over and rebuild. And you will have the freedom to rebuild a life better than anything that caused you to come to this breaking point in the first place. Have courage, you can do it.

Britney Munday

Airing the Dirty Laundry

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

"I am not a stranger to the dark, hide away they say because we don't want your broken parts. I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars, run away they say because no one will love you as you are."

The first time I saw "The Greatest Showman" my eyes swelled with tears listening to the lyrics of "This is Me". I know what it's like to feel like I need to hide my broken parts away... As someone once close to me said, "Society doesn't openly share the things you share Britney, there is a reason they don't air their dirty laundry."

By sharing my story I'm not airing my dirty laundry, I'm owning my truth. Telling my story how it is.  And I've never been one to follow what "society says" anyway. 

The interesting thing about owning your truth is that while you might have a couple naysayers saying not to "air your dirty laundry", I found that owning my truth allowed others to love me as I am. No "pretend Britney". No mask. No layers to uncover. Just me as I am. Britney. The same Britney with her best friend that she is to a stranger on the streets.

In the social media culture there has always been a push to show the "good side" of everything. Paint it however you want, but never sharing vulnerabilities on your platform is a choice that you knowingly make. It's a choice to show your life in a certain way, because you want others to perceive you in that certain way. In fact, I'd venture to say some of the most self conscious people are the ones who are too afraid to ever share vulnerabilities or struggles... which in reality makes me sad for them.

When you are confident in yourself you don't worry about sharing your vulnerabilities. You KNOW who you are, you LOVE who you are, and you could care less whether or not someone is judging you for SHOWING who you are. You know your heart and you know your intentions, and THAT is enough. When you are confident you don't need reassurance from any outside source because it comes from within. You can't outsource confidence.

I've chose to let others in on my struggles out of hope that someone else could find hope on my story. I share my struggles because I find it EXHAUSTING trying to cover up what is really going on in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I could have some kind of disorder because I literally can't lie or even pretend to lie... I'd be a terrible actress. 🤔

Sometimes your "story" can overlap with someone else's "story"... and in those cases I try to respect that line as much as I can.

If some perceive sharing your scars as "airing the dirty laundry" then let them live in their ashamed and hidden life. But as for me I'm not ashamed of my scars... scars only form on the living. A scar means, "You survived". I've survived the turmoil of the last 6 months. We are warriors! Have the confidence to own your battle wounds. Own your story, the ups and the downs. You never know how hard someone else may be gripping on to it for hope.

"Look out 'cause here I come. And I'm marching on to the beat I drum. I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, THIS IS ME".

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are
But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in

We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

This is me
and I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I'm gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
This is me.

Why I Decided to Leave Instagram

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

This will be one post of a few posts about my thoughts on Instagram and the Instagram culture. I've had my hang ups with Instagram for a long time but I've kept holding on because of the good of it, and there IS good to it. I met one of my best friends because of Instagram. I've met so many good people because of Instagram. Because of Instagram I was able to spread word about my friend's little girl's leukemia diagnosis and with your help and generosity we raised 33,000 dollars for her and her family. There IS good to Instagram. Including you guys! You guys have helped encourage me to put one foot in front of the other and keep going in my hardest times. You've told me I helped you, but in reality you have helped me. You have offered me connection when I felt I didn't have much of any, and for that I'm SO grateful.

I'm an INFJ personality, have you ever heard of the Meyer-Briggs personality test? It categorizes you into 16 different personalities and then describes you to a T. It's incredible really. All my life I've kind of felt like I just don't really fit in anywhere... for multiple reasons. Apparently INFJ is one of the more rare personalities so it's helped me realize I'm not just not a total weirdo... or rather maybe I AM a total weirdo but at least there are other total weirdos out there like me. I have a mind that's constantly brewing with depth but a voice that can't always portray that as eloquently as I'd like. Apparently this is common in INFJ personalities (Halle-freaking-lujah... I'm not the ONLY ONE). 

Instagram gave me a platform where I was able to spit out those thoughts and WRITE them in an eloquent form that allowed me to portray my inner self in ways that I couldn't always speak. Because #introvert and #shy and also #terribleatpublicspeaking.

It also allowed my introverted self to connect with thousands of you within the comfort of my own home. Social interaction while I'm laying at home in my pajamas?! Sold. 💃🏼

Between it giving me a platform to write my thoughts and also a way to easily stay connected to the outside world, it became addicting.

Now, this isn't something new for me. In high school I'd sit on MySpace for hours, in college I'd sit on Facebook for hours, and once Instagram came around I'd sit on Instagram for hours.

On that note, stop what you're doing right now. I want to show you something. Go to settings on your iPhone, click on battery, scroll down and then click on that little clock to the right of where it says "last four days".

That's how much time you've spent on each of those apps in the last four days.

Are you shocked?

Yeah, I was too.

That's how much time you've wasted neglecting something in your life. Maybe it's just the laundry, maybe it's just the dishes, maybe it's your friend who needs a helping hand, maybe it's your grandparents sitting in the nursing home wondering when you're going to visit again, maybe it's your kids looking at you with your phone in your face wondering why you can't just play with them, maybe it's your LIFE.

You know, that little thing called life that's constantly ticking by? No resets, no rewinds, it's moving forward whether you want it to or not. It's brutal really, unrelenting. It doesn't care if you're ready or not because it's going and it's going NOW.

We have become SLAVES to our phones. It's an addiction. And if you're an introvert like me, chances are the social outlet that social media provides has likely become an an addiction too.


Because it's EASY.

Scroll down, double tap, leave a comment, refresh to see who has commented on your last photo or instastory. It makes you feel wanted. Makes you fee involved. Makes you feel seen.

And if it's at a healthy level for you, congrats! These next few paragraphs aren't for you.

But tell me, are those people you have never met that you are double tapping and giving your precious attention... are they going to be by your side when the going gets tough?

When you have a miscarriage, are they going to sit with you at your house and cry with you?

When you have a divorce, are they going to check in on you to make sure you're doing ok?

When you're home alone and crying because you feel like everyone you once loved has sided against you, are they going to be there for you?

Chances are they won't.

And honestly, even the ones you HAVE invested in in real life might not be there for you. Which sucks. It freaking sucks. But in the end you're better for seeing true colors now rather than later.

But back to my point, I've just realized when I'm sitting at home with tears streaming down my face about the trials I'm currently walking, the only ones who could really be there for me were the ones who were physically there with me.

And I began to realize that while I may have had thousands of smaller connections, at this time in my life I just needed a smaller number of BIGGER connections. Ones that I could call and have a listening ear, ones that would go out to dinner with me just because they knew I needed to get out, ones that could offer me comfort in ways that social media is limited.

A book I read recently described this at "watering down the milk". There is still substance and involvement from those connections in your life, but it's watered down and not as rich because social interaction through your internet friends is limited in obvious ways. At no fault of their own, I wish I was real life friends with everyone I connected with through Instagram but the reality of it is that it's not possible... as much as I yearn for it to be it's just not possible.

When the going gets tough, we need real life connections to connect with. And that's why I decided to leave Instagram. So tell me, what did that little clock say? How much time did you spend staring down your phone. How much time did it eat away into your life? Minutes, hours, and days we will never get back. Was it worth it? When you're at the pearly gates and they are replaying your life... how much of it is going to be you sitting their looking at your phone?

It's been five day's since unfollowing everyone on instagram. Five days since my last post. Five day's since I took a good hard look at my life and rearranged my priorities.

And it's already healing me.

Total Pageviews

Blog Archive