Life update (5 months since leaving IG)

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

I’ve been hiking a lot. Alone. Which, could be scary if you were to analyze all the things that could go wrong. Getting bit by a rattlesnake... running into a badger on the trail... encountering a mountain lion... I could keep going. But it hasn’t been scary, it’s been healing. I’ve always loved being in the mountains... I used to hike consistently before I got married, stopped for six years, and now I’m finding myself in the mountains more than ever.

Anyway, this last hike I was walking along the trail with my parent’s dog and started thinking about how great it felt to be up there. To hear the stream... feel the breeze... smell that mountain air... touch the tree branches along the trail that were smooth from the touch of other’s hands before me. No one to keep conversation with besides myself. No one in a rush to go anywhere (my kids were with my ex husband). I found myself just stopping in the middle of the trail and looking out over the valley and thinking. Just thinking. 

Hiking up Malan's Peak in Ogden Utah... such a fun hike but STEEP and hard. 
I like alone time. I’ve spent so much of my life thinking I should try to be someone I’m not and surround myself with people constantly even though I don't necessarily need that. I’m a natural introvert... I need alone time to recharge. When you have so many thoughts always keeping you company who needs someone to talk to?! Ya know?! Ya know??

That’s a joke. Mostly. Anyway, a good chunk of my life I’ve been guilty of thinking the more people in my social circle, the better. More, more, more. I feel it's almost a societal pressure to have a raging social life. I've felt obligated to go to parties and "blogging" events even though it made me all kinds of uncomfortable. I did it thinking that those people were my "friends" but just like Hugh Jackman sings on the Greatest Showman, "A man learns who is there for him, when the glitter fades and the walls won't hold". Those connections that I thought were so valuable were so much more shallow then I thought... even while publicly going through the most raw time in my life I heard from nearly NONE of those connections. I don't know how that surprises me... but I think when you are a empathetic soul yourself you expect others to be the same. But they aren't. Not in the insta world anyway. Call me bitter but I think most of those connections are really just for selfish reasons. As in... a lot of these bloggers want friendships that they see can bring them value in one way or another. #morefollowers #morepopular #morebloggingeventinvites. Not all of these bloggers are like this, I do have some SOLID blogging friends (top of my head... @emfillerup, @nataliedarling, @trishabell)... but ironically these friends aren't the type that show up at these blogging events anyway. They know what's up. 

Honestly, I'm not bitter about it. I'm grateful that experiences like this show the true colors of your social circle. I once described it as being in the garden and being able to pluck out the weeds from the flowers. Don't let weeds grow in your garden girl. That's YOU'RE place, you have complete control over. The only people... ahem, I mean PLANTS... that belong in your garden are ones that YOU want there.

And I'm not talking about friendships that I formed on instagram with my "followers"... that sounds so Hitler-ish now. I'm talking about people that actually had other means of getting in contact with me (see: cell number) but chose not to because I no longer brought value to them. But like I said, it's a blessing in disguise. Hurt at first, but a blessing.

Anyway, back to the introvert talk. I think something about me makes people think I’m an extrovert. My height? I don't know. I’m baffled as to that tends to be an assumption... but I've found that when I let my naturally introverted and partially shy self show, people tend to interpret it as me being “stuck up”. Over the years hearing this has made me try to change that by trying to make myself extroverted, no one wants to give off that vibe! But now I’m realizing...

it’s okay.

I don’t need to make myself someone I’m not just to appeal more to what is culturally expected of me. I’m an introvert, dang it! Take me as I am! Lol. I’m finding the more time I make for my moments of solitude the more healing it has been for my soul. The last year has been a doozy... between going through a messy divorce, moving, and trying to find my footing again... sometimes all you need to find yourself again is simply quality time with yourself.

The majority of my socializing is with my cousin above. Haha! This was up at Snowbird on one of their outdoor concerts. It's gorgeous and just the air up there smells AMAZING. You HAVE to make it up there sometime this summer.

Next matter of business, I don’t even miss Instagram now. Like not one bit. I was so deep into it... the fact that I’ve gone this long without it and don’t miss it at all is CRAZY. Leaving has been priceless for my peace of mind. I feel like it has given me that additional emotional capacity and energy to focus on living my best life for me and my children. It’s been great. 

Next topic... On the sickness front we had a ROUGH last month. Both my kids got hand foot and mouth... and then I GOT IT. Yes, I, as an adult. Got it. My fever got up to 103.6 and my tonsils looked so awful. I was so miserable. I didn’t get any sores on my hands or feet (my kids didn’t either) but my tonsils were on another level. They looked like one giant white sore. Ewwww. I know. I alternated between Tylenol and ibuprofen to try and keep my fever in check (but even with both of those I could only get it down to like 101 degrees). We also had a prescription for the “miracle mouth wash” (which is lidocaine, liquid Benadryl and liquid heartburn medication) so that helped numb things out enough to actually get some liquid down me. I can only imagine how the kids felt... poor things! Since getting it I've been talking to SO many people whose kids have gotten it, and even them themselves. It's brutal. Definitely made it into the top three sickest moments of my life. 

I’m going to give you a rundown of how it looked so you can be on the lookout for your kid. First they will complain of a tummy ache and maybe even dry heave, then they will get a super high fever, you’ll likely think it’s the stomach flu until you look in their mouth and see sores all over the place. Jake was complaining about how he kept having to swallow his spit and Chloe was literally drooling down her face and in tears from the pain. We also noticed that even though she didn’t have sores on her feet she was walking around on the balls of her feet for a couple days, so they must have hurt. It’s a virus so they can’t prescribe anything to cure it (no antibiotics for this one), it just has to run its course. You just want to make sure that their fever isn’t getting too high (because it can cause brain damage) and that they are getting enough fluids. There was a day where I was sure we were going to have to take Chloe into the ER because she wasn’t drinking enough and was hardly was having ANY wet diapers. Luckily I got her to drink some bottles of milk and that saved the day. I would give it to her when she was like half asleep so she didn’t realize just how much it hurt to swallow. It’s crazy because her and Jake came down with it at the exact same time but their mouths looked way different.... maybe it’s because Jake is older so it didn’t affect him the same way? Anyway, it’s terrible. You don’t want to get it. But you’re probably going to because it’s EVERYWHERE right now. Seriously. Just plan on getting it. lol

Besides being sick for a good two weeks we’ve still been going to the pool nearly every day. It’s been great... such a nice way for the kids to run off energy and all of us to soak up some nice vitamin D! I get anxiety about the summer ending because cold dark winters wreak havoc on my overall well being so I try and take advantage of the warmth as much as I can. We usually just go me and the kids... and I'm usually the only mom in the pool and DEFINITELY the only mom getting her hair wet. Sometimes I'm a little self conscious about it... like other moms are looking at me thinking I'm some heathen for getting into the pool (that's probably 30% straight urine) and heaven forbid GETTING MY HAIR WET. Yolo! That's why ya chop it off ladies! Bob's are great for swimming. Lol!

We had a great Fourth of July. It was supposed to be my ex's holiday but he asked if I could take them instead and I happily obliged, of course I'm going to want to be with them! We grilled at my cousins house and then went and watched the Layton City fireworks. Which were AMAZING, BTW. And huge. And right over our heads. Magical. The only thing that wasn't magical was the two hours it took to get out of the parking lot afterwards. And getting flipped off from a mom in a minivan. Rookie mistake. Now we know where to park for an easy escape. Not being flipped off though?? To be determined. 

This picture was from the fourth of July. I jokingly posted this on my facebook saying, "Happy independence from those darn Brits. I have a whole new appreciation for this day if you know what I mean!" Heyo. Just call me Amurica. JK. Don't do that. 

My life has been relatively drama free... which has been AMAZING. Until someone sees my joke above probably. Lol! But on a serious note I’ve learned so much about toxic relationships and how to place appropriate boundaries. The knowledge I’ve gained recently has put so much into perspective. Every now and then there will be a day that has a BLOW UP of drama... but it’s happening less and less. 

Speaking about learning about things... guys. I'm still obsessed with zodiac signs. OBSESSED. No one can try and convince me otherwise because it explains my whole life perfectly. I may even believe in it more than any other religion. JK, I think. But seriously, different trials with relationships or friendships have been explained by zodiac personality characteristics so perfectly. I'll write a post on it later. 

I just got back from a trip to Florida with my cousin... and I have a ton of pictures to share from it so I'm going to wait for another post to tell you ALL about it. I might have even met up with a tinder date while I was there. And I might have even watched the sunset on the beach with him. And I might have even got a picture. And I MIGHT even upload it. Who knowwwws. 

Also, I started watching The Handmaid's Tale thinking there was NO WAY it could be as good as everyone is saying. Well... it is. It's real good guys. REAL GOOD. I mean... the concept behind it is appalling and there is some nudity. BUT SO GOOD. And for the most part it's just a little bit of nudity and no swearing. Does that make it any better? No, it doesn't. But I was a nurse on the mother/baby floor for two years so an occasional nip slip doesn't offend me. Used to it. Hahaha!!

Anyway, I binge watched season 1... and I'm literally ending this post now to go start the second season. Later gator!! 

Later gator... I never say that. I've obviously been in Florida.

Thanks for reading guys.


Gossip Girl

I mean, Britney. XOXO Britney.

Life Update (4 months since leaving IG)

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Well, you know how I said I was trying to trust my intuition more and everything felt right with my new job??? My intuition is broken. Straight up busted apparently.

After six hours on the job I told them it wasn't the right job for me and to not pay me for the time I was there. I don't want to bring the facility down because I'm super grateful they hired me... so I'm not going to go in to detail. I'll just leave it at this... the patient care that was being provided unfortunately wasn't one I felt comfortable being associated with. Which is sad, because there are great nurses and great CNA's (and great patients) but the patient to nurse ratio just seems to be unattainably high to actually provide quality care to the patients.

So, hi. Back on the job search again. And never listening to my intuition again. JK... Maybe I WAS meant to be there for six hours for some other reason. Who knows. There is a new hospital opening up around here and I'd LOVE to get on the maternity floor there! I've applied to so many jobs so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that one will land. FYI getting back into the nursing workforce after staying at home for a few years is so rough. SO ROUGH. We are making ends meet with the help of my parents but I do want to be more financial independent so hopefully one lands soon!

And do you like how candid I am about this all?? I was SO PUMPED in my last post for this job... and then after 6 hours I was like NOPE. Nope. Nope. 

So, that's my job update. Yahoo. My claim to fame. 6 hours at a job. Hahahaha! I always say to live your life in a fish bowl... So I'm always honest about everything. Apparently I'm not the first to peace out of there so quickly though... They said a few other nurses would do there first shift and then just never come back. Never answer the phone when they called, nothing. They appreciated that I was upfront and honest with them (though I did turn it around on me instead of saying that I didn't feel comfortable with the quality of care). Anyway it does make me feel a little bit better because I AM prepared to run my behind off all day to help others... but if I'm doing that and still not providing quality care I'm just not OK with that. 

So that's the work update.

Other updates... dating wise I've kind of taken a step back. I was going on dates frequently but then I just kind of burned out for a little bit. I hang out with my other single cousin often and we have a great time together... I'm thinking that might make it so I'm not as willing to go out of my comfort zone and frequent those first dates ya know??

I did go on a date Friday night with a solid guy (that I met through bumble!). We had dinner at a restaurant at Farmington Station and then went to see Oceans 8 (which I really liked for the record). I think it's so funny when I hear people that are against dating apps (like Tinder and Bumble) because I've met so many great guys through there. I just consider it a singles database... I can swipe to my hearts desire and find guys that I think may be worth my time. And even if there isn't a spark then I just have a new cool friend. I'm totally pro dating apps. 

So that's the dating update.

As far as the kids go... they are doing great! I LOVE summer time with kids... it's seriously the best. We usually go to a pool every afternoon just me and the kids. If you followed me on instagram you know how OCD I am about my kids and water safety... we've been doing survival swim lessons at Aquatics Academy in Draper once a week for about the past year. It's totally paid off! Jakes an awesome swimmer and Chloe knows how to keep her self safe in the water without a life jacket. 

In fact, she's obsessed with jumping off the diving board. Without a life jacket. Yes, she turned two last month. She usually has everyone at the pool staring at her in awe... it's hilarious. I will wait in the water for her, she will jump in, swim up and float on her back. And then do it over... and over... and over again. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a proud mama moment! I'll attach a video of it right here! She cracks me up.

Jake goes into kindergarten this fall and I'm so excited for him! We've slowly but surely been putting our roots down here and developing new friendships (both him and I!). It makes me so happy when he makes new friends. He is definitely and extrovert (with a fairly introverted mama) so when he goes to the pool and makes friends with kids that were total strangers it makes me proud. He's also been going to a preschool summer camp and he LOVES it! So glad I stumbled upon it... it gives him a chance to get out and be social with kids his age and it gives me a little break if ya know what I mean. Haha!

So that's the kid update.

I do have another update... as some of you may know I had a turbulent time when going through my divorce. Social media was a catalyst to the turbulence and aided in burning bridges with people I considered family for a long time... which was suffocatingly heartbreaking. However, I think time has started to heal some of that hurt. My ex-sister-in-law sent me a really nice note along with an invite to her wedding this month. It makes me tear up just thinking about it because we haven't really talked in nearly a year and she was one of my best friends. It was so nice of her to reach out and do that and I'm starting to feel like our relationship might be on the mend and that makes me so happy. Will I be going? Honestly? Probably not... not because of any hard feelings but because I don't want the expectation of me being there (because of the drama of the past year) to overshadow anything on her wedding day. But I do wish her the best and hope to at least have a ammiable relationship from here on out. 

So that's the ex in law update. Lol!

GOSH this post is getting long! I didn't even know I had so much to talk about. There is another topic I want to talk about but I'm going to save it for another post on it's own because I want to dig deep into it. Ya know?

Anyway, life is good! I'm healing. Summer is amazing.

I hope you all are having a great summer as well, again I love hearing from you so say hi down in the comment section along with your IG username! Thanks for your continual love and support, you guys are the best!

Britney Munday

Life Update (3 months since leaving IG)

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Ok this one is more like 3.5 months since leaving IG but none the less I have a LIFE UPDATE. This one includes some pretty big news actually!

And that news is... I GOT A NEW JOB! Yahooooo! And it feels right, which is such a nice feeling! I will be doing part time... which is two 12 hour shifts a week. But honestly it's usually more like 13 hour shifts so I'll be working 26 hours a week which is perfect right now.

Initially I had been trying to apply to clinic jobs so I wouldn't have to do the 12 hour shifts... but then I got thinking that it would probably be better to crank out the hours while I'm there and have babysitting instead of slowly breaking it up. It's day shift from 6 am to 6 pm at a health and rehab facility here in Ogden and from the sounds of it I'll be working on the acute care floor.

I'm trying to be more aware of my intuition, listen to her more ya know? I feel like for a long time when it comes to MYSELF and my own self care I've pushed my intuition to the side... But I will say for some reason when I saw the job listing on the google search (even though it wasn't necessarily the area of nursing I was looking to work) it felt RIGHT. Then I applied and it felt right. Then I walked in the doors and it felt right. And talked to one of the nurses and it felt right. And did the interview and it felt right. Left the facility and it felt right. Got the job and it felt right!

I'm super excited for this new chapter of my life... to connect with new coworkers and new patients. I'm excited to have that identity again outside of the home and to start using the education I worked so hard on. 

On that note, I also have another new life update. Not so much anything set in stone but more so set in stone in MY MIND. I've decided to go back to school and get my nurse practitioner degree! This was my plan all along, but I had kids and was expected to put those plans on the back burner. But now I'm free to build the life that I want and that I think is best for me and my children so it's back to plan A! 

As of now I'll probably wait until my little girl goes into school... so a couple more years until I start working on my NP degree... but that will be good for me. I feel like I need more real life experience working as a nurse before I dive into the NP degree. But I'm excited to have this plan that I'm working towards and to be that much closer to being a financially independent single mom.

We are still living with my parents right now and probably will for awhile, which actually has been great for us. My parents have been so gracious to take us under their wing and they love having Jake and Chloe running around and lighting up the house with their little personalities. I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own but right now it wouldn't be ideal anyway... during this time of change I do feel that me and the kids need the consistent support (and honestly just a helping hand for this single mom life) that comes from living with my parents. Both my parents work full time so during the day it's just me and the kids anyway. And two cats. And a dog. Oh and I mean basically the UPS workers live here too because my dad is as addicted to Amazon as I am. But it's good. I'm good. We are all good. 

My parents are building a new house that should be done the end of this year so that will be nice because me and the kids will have our own rooms again. Right now Chloe has her own room (because she is the lightest sleeper known to mankind) and me and Jake share a room. He has a little daybed off to the side and it's been sweet to have him close but I'll be honest I'm ready to have some space again and I'm sure Jake is ready to have his own room again!

These are the little details you don't know about my single mom life. Honestly, it's not how I imagined my life at this point. And it takes some swallowing of my own pride to move back in with my parents at 28 years old. But I'm determined to build the best life possible for me and the kids, and I'm not waiting around on anyone to bring that to me. I'm not waiting around for prince charming to come riding in on his gallant steed and to swoop up me and the kids. I'm going to work my ass off and buy that damn horse myself! In fact I'll buy three... one for me, one for Jake, one for Chloe and we will ride off into the sunset together. Or maybe Disneyland, yeah... actually... forget the sunset we're going to Disney.

I've already made the mistake once of giving up my education, life plans, etc... to someone else when I thought it was love and they said they would always take care of us. Maybe I'm jaded now, or maybe I'm wiser, but either way I'm not letting it happen again. And when I say I'm not letting it happen again I mean I'm not waiting on someone else to bring home the bread, only me. I feel like this new found independence has given me a new lease on life, and I'm frantic to not waste it. 

This is my life.

My decisions. 

My destiny. 

And no one is going to stop me from making it the best life possible for me and my children. 

Life Update (2 months since leaving IG)

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Hello. It's me. I've been wondering if after all this time you'd like to meet. To go over. Everything. Hahaha just kidding guys I'm not going to write this whole post in Adele lyrics but I couldn't not start with it.

K, hi. Life post Instagram is AMAZING. Literally better than ever, and I'm not just saying that. It has been SO good for me to be off of there and focusing on other things in my life. I truly believe that leaving Instagram has opened up the gates to allow other great things into my life. Let me break it down for you.

1. Instead of socializing on Instagram I now am socializing more with my friends and family. Which is what I needed all along. I didn't need thousands of smaller connections, I needed a fewer BIGGER connections to get me through this time. I needed a fewer DEEPER connections to get me through this time. Leaving Instagram has given me that additional capacity to really strengthen those relationships that I needed to and be a better friend to those connections I already had.

2. I've met some great people. Now that I'm no longer focusing on connecting through Instagram I think it's broadened my horizons to connect with new people outside of that Instagram realm that I had previously been putting so much focus into. I've met some amazing guys and amazing friends! Just last night I went out on a double date with a guy I've been hanging out with, his friend, and my cousin and I was in tears laughing so hard. TEARS. We went to a movie and then played Cards Against Humanity (Which, I'm surprisingly good at. Apparently having a dirty mind pays off at this game. Aren't you proud of me mom! Hahaha.) I don't remember the last time I was in tears laughing.

Ok wait, I just remembered. I was actually in teats laughing just the night before when I was telling my mom about my little boy's kindergarten round up when they were testing his vision. They were pointing to the shapes and asking him what they were (square, house, circle). There was a line of 10 parents behind us watching and waiting their turn. So they start testing my little boy and anytime they pointed to the circle my little boy would call it an "ovaline". AN OVALINE. An ovaline?!? What the hell is an ovaline?! How does my little boy know all of his letters and sounds but not the name of a circle?!? And why am I just realizing this now when 10 parents are behind us and intently watching? So yeah, I was crying laughing telling my mom this story. Update, my little boy can now distinguish between a circle and an ovaline. Which, for the record, is just a name he made up. Hahaha. You have to laugh so you don't cry... or if you're going to cry make sure it's because you're laughing so hard haha!

3. I live life based on what makes ME happy. I thought I was pretty good at doing this anyway, but after fully leaving Instagram it helps you realize that no matter how hard you try to just be yourself you are still trying to  please others in one way or another. I liked to tell myself that in the world of Insta bloggers I was pretty down to earth... my feed wasn't necessarily cohesive, esthetically pleasing, or picture perfect... but I did still spent a lot of my time and emotional capacity trying to please other people. Not trying to please others by MY image on there necessarily, but by trying to connect with others in one way or another. I liked to tell myself I was on there to share my vulnerabilities and offer encouragement to give other women the strength they might need. My Meyer-Brigg's personality type is the "healer" (INFJ) so I do tend to center my life around trying to help other people in one way or another and I find it hard to be selfish and focus on myself... but at this raw stage in my life I did need to only focus on myself. I needed to secure my oxygen mask before securing anyone else's... and leaving Instagram has helped focus that emotional capacity into my own self healing before anyone else's.

This week I had a date with an awesome guy and we went up to the SLC capitol to sit on the grass and enjoy the trees that were in bloom. Sitting there I realized that while we were there enjoying it just to enjoy the moment, the warmth, the beauty, and have good conversation... most of the people were there to get pictures with the trees in bloom. Wrestling their toddlers who just wanted to be running around, forcing smiles, and trying to get that perfect shot without anyone else in the background. Sure, I get it. It's nice to get those family pictures and it is a beautiful scene, but sometimes I feel like we need to take a step back and enjoy the moment for ourselves instead of what perfect of a picture it's going to be. Ya know? No judgement from me, I love a pretty picture as much as the next person, but if that's all we are focusing on we need to do some reevaluating of our life.

Anyway, I'm now focusing on what makes me happy instead of directing any attention into what would make my 13k followers happy (which, for the record is now 12.4k since I've announced my departure lol). I focus on what makes me feel good. What makes my life feel worthwhile. What I want. Which is such a simple concept, but really life changing if you're used to consistently directing energy to please others. I'm rebuilding my life and cementing that foundation with people and opportunities that bring me happiness, and no one else. I'm no longer thinking about "likes" on my post, but my own likes in my own life. Which is what we all should be doing.

4. It's nice to fly under the radar. I always say to live your life like you're in a fish bowl, and I do. I'm the same person with my best friend as I am to someone on the streets. I have no secrets that I would care if they got out. I make every decision like every single person I know is watching, maybe that's a virgo thing? I mean, we are the sign of pure intentions. I'm not a perfect person by any means, but I'm also not a secretive person.

However, in such a vulnerable time in my life where people could criticize every single decision I make, it's nice to fly under the radar. It's nice not to have those soured relationships watching ever single thing I do. It's nice not to have people picking apart posts and words to try and figure things out. I've learned that people are so bored in their own lives they love talking about the misfortune of others. And good heck they love talking about divorces. "So what do you think happened?! She posted this and he posted this. I saw them at blah blah blah the other night". I feel like for the most part all of my connections on Instagram were incredibly loyal and positive connections, but I can't weed out every dandelion among the flowers. It's been nice to take that step back and not really add anything to that narrative.

5. I'm indifferent. I care. I care a lot. I'm super loyal and when I invest into someone I invest into them for a lifetime. Divorce is HARD. It's hard to lose the person you've spent the last six years with, it's hard to lose those connections that you centered your life around. It's even harder when you're seeing their every move on Instagram. I don't know why people feel like they have to take sides in a divorce. Unless you were a fly on a wall you can never possibly know what someones marriage was like, you don't have to take sides and you can still be there for both people. In fact, any decent divorcee wouldn't want you to take sides. I actually encourage our "best friend" couple to still stay in contact with my ex, I don't want them to cut him off. What kind of person would that make me? Just because our personal relationship couldn't work out doesn't mean that I need them to hate him for me. I wish more people would be like that but it's not the case. At first having people side against me was really hard, because I care. And I care about them. And they actually had no idea what that broken marriage was like because I never felt the need to tear down my ex to gain support for my side of the story. It was agonizing to be going through the most painful time in my life with not only the loss of my spouse but also the loss of nearly my whole "support system" for the past 6 years. I now realize that that support system I thought I had wasn't the same as what I thought, and I'm grateful to find that out now rather than 20 more years down the road. But it hurt at first. It hurt like hell! Those were my people, the people I loved. It was agonizing. I had to stop following them but then I was still getting screenshots of things they did or questions about them... it was so hard to heal from that heartache when I was seeing them all the time through social media. Now that I'm off, I've finally been able to heal from that. I'm more independent than ever and have strengthened my new support system. I'm indifferent to those people and the things they now do, which I'm grateful for. It's a blessing to not feel the heartache of that and be reminded of it through social media. I'm creating my own life now and it feels better than ever.

Anyway, life is good guys! Real good. If you're struggling in one aspect or another I'd really suggest taking a step back from social media. It's a hard adjustment the first week but then you don't even miss it! It's amazing. I miss being connected to you guys so easily through there but I'm glad we still can stay connected through my blog because I feel like it's a healthier option for me. I love to hear from you guys so make sure you comment (comment with your IG name because that's what I recognize first!). Thanks for reading and thanks so much for your continual love and support!

Love ya guys!

Britney Munday

Back in the Dating World

Thursday, April 5, 2018

I’m dating again.

That feels weird to write, though I do feel like it should feel MORE weird to write. Our divorce went through end of November (we separated beginning of September) and this past month I’ve started dating. 

I really didn’t want to date at first. I asked one of my friends if she thought I should start dating yet and she said, “Well I can’t make that decision for you but I do think it would be nice to get out there!” Ugh, fine. I’ll do it.

So I did. My first post divorce date I was SO NERVOUS before hand. I HATE DATING. But then he actually ended up being super awesome. We went to a cute little restaurant on 25th street in Ogden and hung out at his place afterwards. He’s nice, handsome, and a gentleman. He grew up around here and even though we hadn’t met before we had mutual friends. We’ve gone on a few dates now.

Just yesterday I had a date with another guy I hadn’t met before but we had mutual friends as well. We went out to eat at a Thai restaurant in SLC called Swadee Thai and it was amazing. He's handsome and I feel like we totally hit it off... I was kind of shocked because I wasn't expecting it. Effortless conversation is so important to me and it was seamless! After dinner we went over to liberty park and sat on the hill overlooking the pond and just chatted while the sun began to set. It was actually a perfect scene even though neither of us planned it out in advance. 

Anyway, I won’t be taking about the details of my dating life to preserve the privacy of the guys I’m dating and to let things progress at their own pace... but I just wanted to stop in and say everything dating wise has gone real good so far! Like REAL good. 

I was really worried after I heard a bunch of tinder dating horror stories... but so far it’s been good to me! I’ve been asked on my fair share of dates through tinder or bumble but I do extensive internet stalking (🤣) before I commit to going. I also like to text before hand to make sure we even have anything in common! I don’t want to waste anyone’s time or money if I know we aren’t going to have anything in common. 

I was nervous that as a single mom that would scare guys off from wanting to get to know me but that definitely hasn’t been the case, it’s also helped me realize that there ARE good guys out there. Which is shocking to me, I thought they were all married off lol. 

I mean, just Wednesday morning I was telling my friend how I want to be single for the rest of my life... but I’m not going to completely close myself off to the idea of love if there ARE good guys out there.  

It’s been really good for me to continue staying off Instagram. Cleansing, even. I also feel like closing that door has ended up opening up other doors and inviting other people into my life that I needed in my life. 

I’m not looking for anyone to complete me, I’m complete on my own. I’m more independent than ever and it feels amazing. However, I’d love to spend time with someone I enjoy being with and who encourages and inspires me to be my best self and vice verse. So even though I’m not desperately searching for a significant other, I’m not going to permanently close the door to potentially finding “love” again one day. Just keeping my options open, and if nothing else enjoying the company and conversation dating brings. I'm not exactly searching for "good looks" or anything like that, I think there is so much more to people then simply their looks. I'm searching for something more profound where we connect on a much deeper level than that.

And even if I never find "love" again, I’m really savoring this time to work on loving myself and being my best “self” possible. Once you live six years of your life making every decision to keep someone else happy it's so refreshing to just soak in the single life and work on YOURSELF. Which is exactly what I'm doing.


SeaQuest Aquarium in Layton Utah

Saturday, March 24, 2018

We finally made it to the SeaQuest aquarium in Layton Utah this week! I ended up just getting the season pass because it was on sale for spring break and everyone else I went with had the pass so I figured we'd be coming back. The pass for spring break was $100 and it was going to be like $25 for us to go one time anyway. I'm always looking for things to do with the kids so I know I'll be back, I hate sitting at home all day and they do too! We like to be on the go in one way or another. 

It actually wasn't too bad for a little aquarium. They have a lot of exhibits where you can touch the animals (and HELLO I'm an animal lover who is hoping to force that on her children so... ya know... I like it). Haha! My favorite area was the stingray exhibit, they are so cute! If you buy tokens at the front there is a little dispenser that gives you food for the stingrays and they will eat it right out of your hand.

I got some video footage for our own memories but figured I'd share it here as well if you wanted to check out the aquarium before you go. Here it is!

Thanks for reading!

Jake's 5th Birthday Party

This is going to sound so stereotypical mom of me but... How the heck do I have a 5 year old?! Like what?! I remember being 5! I know quite a few of you have followed along with me since Jake was born and I was losing that postpartum weight... so that makes our friendship 5 years old too! That's nuts!

Since we are divorced and now living an hour away Sam threw a party for Jake down there with his family and I threw a party up here for Jake with my family. If we didn't live an hour apart we'd consider doing a combined party despite our divorce but we can't expect all our friends and family to make that drive. But Jake thought it was pretty awesome to have two birthday parties two nights in a row!

Jake loves doughnuts (NOT with sprinkles FYI) so when I picked him up on his birthday I came equipped with doughnuts and balloons. This past year has been a hard adjustment for all of us so I wanted to make his birthday as special as possible. I told him we could do whatever we wanted before his birthday party so he decided he wanted to go to Kangaroo Zoo in Ogden with me and Chloe and jump around for a couple hours. Chloe has turned into such a big girl and can keep up with Jake no problem!

After that we had his birthday party at Get Air trampoline park in Kaysville Utah. We chose to book a party with them and I was super impressed with how organized they were. They were a pretty decent price considering we got 2 hours of jump time for us and our guests, they provided all the plates, cups, and silverware, handled ordering the pizza and drinks, and did all the clean up and set up. HELLO. 100% worth it! I'm all about delegating tasks when it comes to birthday parties, it's not worth that extra stress! 

I'm trying to be better about documenting our memories in "family home videos". Which basically just means I'm recording more on my phone and then storing them on youtube. Haha! Modern mom right?

Anyway, here is some of what I got from his birthday party! I've had a few of you say you miss seeing the kids since I'm not posting on instagram so I thought I would share it here! Thanks for reading!

Life Update (1 month since leaving IG)

Thursday, March 15, 2018

I'm engaged!!! Just kidding. Hahaha. Clickbait. I haven't even gone on one date since my divorce went though end of November, and honestly I'm not exactly itching to either. I'm spending a lot of time rebuilding myself and I'm loving having the time to focus on that. It's been one month since I stopped posting on Instagram. Considering I used to post every single thought I ever had onto my Instastory it seems like we should have a lot to catch up on... so lets get started!

I've used a lot of my new found free time to read a lot of self help books. Since February 1'st I've read 6 books and I'm currently on my 7th... if you're wondering what I do in all my "instagram free" time it's this! Reading! Once I put the kids to bed I kick my feet up, sit in my parents massage chair, and read about how to unf*ck my life. No really, that's the title of one of the books I've loved the most. "Unf*ck yourself" by Gary John Bishop is probably my favorite self help book this far. I was kind of scared to read it based of the title but no, it doesn't drop countless F words every page. If anything the title is an indication of how the book is written, blunt and honest. Which is right up my alley! Blunt and honest is my love language, if that were a love language. If you're on the search for a good self help book you need this one, it puts everything into perspective. Just maybe hide it in a drawer for when your grandparents come visit, or don't. I won't tell you how to live your life. But this author will and he's going to do it WELL. Dang it!

My second favorite book is called "Choosing Me Before We" by Christine Arylo. I think any woman who has been in a turbulent relationship needs to read this book, it's a necessity! It's great for women who are TOO selfless and give TOO much of themselves in an attempt to keep their relationships afloat. I felt like I've lost a lot of myself trying to keep my marriage together... I'm not going to list them off because it's unnecessary and will just fuel drama but I changed myself so much to try and make it work. Now I'm back in my hometown after moving away for 6 years, back with my family and friends, getting back to my career, back to my hobbies... it feels good. This book helped me realize to be in a relationship you first have to be true to yourself, we have no business getting in a relationship with anyone else if we don't know who WE ARE and what WE WANT from life. If you're in a healthy relationship this isn't for you, if you aren't in a healthy relationship this IS for you. It's also a great read for single women trying to figure out what it is they want in life. Read it and tell me what you think!

My third favorite book would probably be "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I hesitated reading this book and more so even talking about this book because I didn't consider myself codependent. In fact I'm EXTREMELY independent, so I didn't think codependency would necessarily apply to me. However, I chose to read it because I feel like in marriage through the years we end up being codependent on our spouse in one way or another. K, so immediately upon reading it I realized I had the definition of codependency all wrong. I thought it meant that you literally depend on another person to exist, that isn't what it is, at least that's not how she defines it in her book! The author defines codependency more so as when you let yourself feel affected too much by others poor decisions or behaviors. I consider myself an empath to one degree or another, meaning a lot of times I FEEL the emotions others are feeling. It can be good because it inspires me to take action to help, but it's not always good. You can't help people unless they ask you specifically for said help, otherwise you're attempting to control someone else. Harsh, but true. This book helped me realize I need to keep a healthy distance from other people's problems and in doing so make more of an effort to protect my own inner peace.

Ok, enough of the books. Remember how I kept complaining talking about how my shins were hurting? I tried everything to try and fix them and nothing was helping so I finally went in to a sports medicine doctor. At this point I was thinking it could have been something called chronic exertional compartment syndrome because I was having a lot of the same symptoms (thanks google for that diagnosis, you never lead me astray when it comes to my health. Wait, most of the time you do actually lead me astray). After hearing my symptoms the sports medicine doctor decided that we should do an MRI just to MAKE SURE there weren't any stress fractures.

I really didn't think they were going to see anything... I was sure it was the muscle that was bugging me. Plus we did an x-ray when they were hurting a year ago and they didn't see anything. Well, turns out they almost NEVER see stress fractures on an x-ray unless they are advanced stress fractures. They almost always need to do an MRI to be able to rule out stress fractures, X-rays just don't cut it. Sure enough, the MRI came back and showed some little stress fractures on the back of my tibia. *sigh* So no running for me in the races I've signed up for this spring! Overall though I'm grateful to know what the cause of the pain is and work towards recovery.

Since this pain started last year when I was running while still breastfeeding Chloe, they think that could have been a contributing factor. In pregnancy and nursing, if the mother isn't getting enough calcium in her diet the body will then begin taking calcium from her bones in order to get it to the developing baby. They think that since my bones had likely been weakened from pregnancy and nursing, the initial stress on my bones happened last year when I was running, and then they just never healed properly.

So the plan now is to stick to cycling/biking for a month, then work my way to the elliptical, and then slowly begin to incorporate running again. No jumping for me, but I can still do all my weighted leg exercises. I went to a spin class yesterday and my... uh... "lady parts" feel like they just gave birth. WHY ARE BIKE SEATS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Someone tell me that it gets better with time, please. Do they give epidurals for spin classes? KIDDING. I'M KIDDING. Kind of.

Anyway, for my bones to heal I also have to be better about getting enough calcium in my diet, and if I'm not then I have to take 1,500 mg of calcium along with 2,000 iu of vitamin D.

Next matter of business... I've applied to two nursing jobs so far with no luck. I think employers aren't liking that I've stayed home to raise my kid's the past four years, which is so lame! I feel like this is fairly normal for nurses... take a few years off while their kids are young and then enter the workforce again.  So I'm just going to keep on applying! I'm sure something will land one of these days... and if I don't end up getting one until this fall that won't be the worst thing ever because Jake will be entering kindergarten by that time.

I have so much I could say on these posts, I just have to figure out the politically correct way to word them. I've had a lot of people turn to me on advice of what to do when their marriage is falling apart and I'd love to be able to write more about that while still respecting the privacy of other's who are involved in my story. I think for now, I'd just like to say, to those women who feel like your life is falling apart... just keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. At some points you may be trying to survive day to day, sometimes even just minute to minute. But trust me, you WILL SURVIVE. And this will pass. And you WILL find your new normal. Even if everything you've ever known for the past however many years is ripped away from you, you will start over and rebuild. And you will have the freedom to rebuild a life better than anything that caused you to come to this breaking point in the first place. Have courage, you can do it.

Britney Munday

Airing the Dirty Laundry

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

"I am not a stranger to the dark, hide away they say because we don't want your broken parts. I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars, run away they say because no one will love you as you are."

The first time I saw "The Greatest Showman" my eyes swelled with tears listening to the lyrics of "This is Me". I know what it's like to feel like I need to hide my broken parts away... As someone once close to me said, "Society doesn't openly share the things you share Britney, there is a reason they don't air their dirty laundry."

By sharing my story I'm not airing my dirty laundry, I'm owning my truth. Telling my story how it is.  And I've never been one to follow what "society says" anyway. 

The interesting thing about owning your truth is that while you might have a couple naysayers saying not to "air your dirty laundry", I found that owning my truth allowed others to love me as I am. No "pretend Britney". No mask. No layers to uncover. Just me as I am. Britney. The same Britney with her best friend that she is to a stranger on the streets.

In the social media culture there has always been a push to show the "good side" of everything. Paint it however you want, but never sharing vulnerabilities on your platform is a choice that you knowingly make. It's a choice to show your life in a certain way, because you want others to perceive you in that certain way. In fact, I'd venture to say some of the most self conscious people are the ones who are too afraid to ever share vulnerabilities or struggles... which in reality makes me sad for them.

When you are confident in yourself you don't worry about sharing your vulnerabilities. You KNOW who you are, you LOVE who you are, and you could care less whether or not someone is judging you for SHOWING who you are. You know your heart and you know your intentions, and THAT is enough. When you are confident you don't need reassurance from any outside source because it comes from within. You can't outsource confidence.

I've chose to let others in on my struggles out of hope that someone else could find hope on my story. I share my struggles because I find it EXHAUSTING trying to cover up what is really going on in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I could have some kind of disorder because I literally can't lie or even pretend to lie... I'd be a terrible actress. 🤔

Sometimes your "story" can overlap with someone else's "story"... and in those cases I try to respect that line as much as I can.

If some perceive sharing your scars as "airing the dirty laundry" then let them live in their ashamed and hidden life. But as for me I'm not ashamed of my scars... scars only form on the living. A scar means, "You survived". I've survived the turmoil of the last 6 months. We are warriors! Have the confidence to own your battle wounds. Own your story, the ups and the downs. You never know how hard someone else may be gripping on to it for hope.

"Look out 'cause here I come. And I'm marching on to the beat I drum. I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, THIS IS ME".

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are
But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in

We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

This is me
and I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I'm gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
This is me.

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